Self Censorship Sucks

(Self) Censored

Self Censorship is Dragging Me Down

Lately, I’ve been plagued with a serious case of self censorship. I’ve never really been a huge fan of censorship, although I do try and behave myself when in certain company. Cursing like a sailor in front of a bunch of five year olds is never really a good idea and just makes the world an uglier place. But I’m not referring to the occasional f-bomb or talk about naked people you might find on a blog that is dedicated to my brain. Instead, I’m dealing with an even more frustrating kind of self censorship – a fear of the audience.

As a blogger, I want to put out into the internet the kinds of things that interest me, the sort of daily thoughts I have that make me who I am. Instead, I find myself scrapping ideas and crossing out mental notes for the sake of pleasing the people of the interwebs. I don’t want to write a dud, nor do I want to write a sleeper…so here I sit trying to out think and out plan all of you…to the point of empty pages and posts never written.

Why am I doing that? Why do I care? It’s not as if this page has an audience of millions who pay my bills through various ads, affiliate links, and product endorsements. So why do I find myself with a nasty case of self censorship? It’s a little more than frustrating when you find that the one thing you meant as an outlet for the thoughts swirling in your brain, instead becomes a project in self censorship.

One of the other issues driving this self censorship is people’s reactions. Not in the way you might think. I’m not worried if there’s a few gasps of disbelief while reading my blog or even if I accidentally reveal something a little too personal and private – that sort of stuff doesn’t bug me all that much and if I’m to be honest, I expect that to happen. Instead, I find myself self censoring because I fear the reaction of people who read a particular post and go all Mark Chapman on me and think I wrote it about them. Sure, someone may inspire a thought that later leads to a post, but in reality I’m not writing this blog for anyone other than me, although I do appreciate your company. I just want to get the voices out of my head (calm down, I’m not referring to actual voices). Perhaps this will become a time capsule for my family as I lay on my death bed or maybe I’ll write the next literary classic here, but really it’s all about the here and now and I need to cut the ties of self censorship and move on with this project. So, let’s try and clear our minds and see where they take us, shall we?

image courtesy of carolyntiry

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Comments

  1. Amy Barksby says

    You’ve just managed to put into words how I feel about most things I try to embark on every day in my life! I have self sensor gremlins too, always thinking people will take it the wrong way! Definitely keep the blogs coming as it’s refreshing to have some relateable honesty to read on the internet! Amy x

  2. rerockstar says

    I have way too much internal dialogue for my own good. Sometimes I even think I’ve had a conversation with someone, because I’ve already had it in my head. Grrrr.

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